2019 is the year in which I…
- get married (again).
- turn 35 years old.
- take the GRE (again).
- apply for graduate school (again)…
- … begin graduate school.
- embark on new adventures…
- … while following some beaten paths, and
- … while cutting some new trails.
- keep fighting for economic justice.
- keep working to empower those without so that they can become those with.
There’s so much to do with really very little time. The prospect of life as a river with its terminus in an ocean is daunting… because everything that gets added into the river helps to accelerate its course. The channel remains the same size, so the volume must move faster that the river doesn’t back up.
And as life barrels onward, we begin to wonder where that ocean is. We wonder how much longer we have before we reach the delta and the alluvial fan. Each day that goes by I try to grasp, in so much vanity, as trying to cling to the errant pebbles and grasses that populate the riverbed. Learn to play guitar, slow the pace. Pick up piano, slow the pace. Read, read, read, slow the pace. Have a glass of wine, slow the pace.
Stop to smell the roses, slow the pace.
But all vain acts. We all scurry about in our busy lives and it river wends its course; we pray that the oxbow holds and life doesn’t plow a new channel, a shorter course, instead of the slow wendabout. This growing older thing is a real trick of tricks. This life thing? Man, endless sleights of hand.
I understand my dad now more than I ever did . And if you would have told me at the age of 18 that nearly 17 years later that I’d ever understand my dad, then-I would have told you to get out of town. (Fuck right off wasn’t yet in my wheelhouse.)
So, I guess my statement for this post is more of a question. How can we slow down and appreciate the moments when our lives are brimming with you and me and the things we do that push us to move faster and faster? Is the answer to moving quickly slowing down? I’m starting to think slow. Too much of life is spent reacting – and how much do you really remember when you’re just busily reacting to things?
And maybe that’s it. Perhaps the answer is to tune out the noise and distractions, so that you can focus and not be stuck in perpetual reaction. I’ve found that I’m able to be more productive and appreciative of the work that I do when distractions to what I’m trying to do are drowned out. I remember conversations, I remember work, I remember ideas.
May 2019 be productive AF. I’m sure glad I’m not writing about kids eating Tide Pods this year.